Enlarge My Territory

It’s a good day for writing--rainy and gray. From the comfort of my basement apartment, I look out the window and witness a fragile, purple clematis holding on for dear life to the chain link fence. She thought it was spring and began to bloom only to be met by a frigid blast of wind. I thought I was finally coming to a spring in my life—a stable, peaceful time where I could find myself and really bloom—but was met by yet another life challenge. One of the lessons I have learned in my life is that “things are subject to change; don’t get too comfortable.”

After many years of challenges: major illness, poverty, death of loved ones, divorce, a sudden empty nest, aloneness, and……. Menopause, I finally felt like I had reached a peaceful place. (It’s interesting to note that “men” o-pause came during my divorce!) I loved my job as a middle school/high school librarian at a Christian school and felt like I had found my niche. I loved the students and staff (people who loved and cared for me). I had found a church full of Biblical strength and wonderful worship. I had awesome friends who poured into my life. My three children had left the nest—a sadness for me, but I was happy that they were thriving as they began their own life journeys. I had dealt with my aloneness and I was finally beginning to enjoy my quiet home more. I was not thriving financially, but I was paying bills on time and I had an element of security. A life with many tumultuous years had finally reached a peaceful state.

Because my life had changed so drastically over the past three years, I asked God how He could use me in this stage of my life. “I am open to anything,” I told Him. “I give myself totally to You. Use me extravagantly!” I even posted that last phrase up on my mirror so I could look at it daily, remember it, and wait expectantly for whatever great adventure God wanted to send me on. I was even willing to go to a foreign country if that was His perfect will. This was a scary thought because I didn’t really want to leave my family (even though they had their own families) but I so wanted to do whatever it was that the Lord wanted. If He wanted me to go to Tuscany, remodel a villa, and find true love…so be it. Oh, and I loved my job (think I already told you that a time or two), but I would still be willing to do whatever He designed for my path. After asking the Lord to use me extravagantly, I did an even more dangerous thing……. I prayed the prayer of Jabez.

“And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.’ “ I Chronicles 4:10

This new step of faith towards a new adventure was exciting and I wondered what God had in store for my life. As many of you have learned, God sometimes calls us to do hard things or allows hard things to happen to point us in the right direction. Recently Google had a pacman game posted on its homepage in honor of its 30th anniversary. My library students were very distracted by the game and I discovered I still wasn’t very good at playing it! As many of you older friends remember, in this game the little yellow pacman goes along merrily gobbling up dots; then when he hits a wall, he is stuck till you make him go a different direction.

An associate pastor at my church, Nick Limbo, recently gave a message about how the Israelites faced the obstacle of the Red Sea. As they feared the Egyptian chariots behind them and the sea before them, Moses answered, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Pastor Nick talked about how we are so close to reaching some new destiny, but obstacles are in the way. This can change in an instant. “You will go to sleep one night,” he said, “and wake up to a new landscape….The Lord has a calendar for you—a time when a tipping point will project you forward.” This message greatly encouraged me because I was looking forward to how God would change my landscape and really use me.

Last week I was called in to the superintendent’s office and was told that student enrollment was way down for next year. The superintendent had cut the budget every where possible but still had to cut down my hours to half time (this included the elementary library too). The economic downturn had hit many parents hard and was in turn affecting school enrollment. My heart dropped and my body started shaking. She tried to console me with the fact that other schools were facing difficult decisions and assured me that it wasn’t anything I had done. “People love you” she said. Through tears, I told the superintendent that I would either need a good part time job to go with the library or I was going to have to get a full time job somewhere.

I left the office full of grief, really wishing I had a husband at home so I could rest in his arms and have him tell me “We’ll get through this.” But my Maker is my husband now (Is. 54:5) and He will get me through this. He has always proved Himself faithful and will not give me more than I can handle. Still, in the natural realm, I still thought, “Lord, what are You thinking? Don’t you want me to lead a peaceful life?” I prayed the prayer of Jabez over my daughter, Jackie, and her husband, and Tommy got a new job with way more money than I currently make. I prayed the prayer of Jabez over my daughter, Shannon and her husband, Shane, and they are now expecting a baby. I prayed the prayer over my son, Josh, and he is now on a Holy land adventure with YWAM. I pray the prayer of Jabez over me and I face a job loss? What are you doing God? I am so glad You are blessing my children, but Lord what are you doing in mine? Yes, I do love this job, but I haven’t been putting it before you. I was just enjoying this one thing You had given to me when the locusts had munched on so many other things in my life! So I succumbed into a heap and cried out to God, “Just show me You love me!”

This is certainly not the biggest challenge I have ever faced, but it does feel like the straw that could break the camel’s back. Several friends have said that God is stretching me. I feel like He has stretched me so much already that I’m like a tired old rubber band, ready to snap. After crying in my sackcloth and ashes, my first thought was to hold on to this job. Then I realized—What if God is calling me elsewhere? I still have one foot holding the door to this job open, but what if this is the time God is calling me to move out in a different direction? What if this is the time when God is going to use me extravagantly in ways I never imagined? Would I ever be willing to leave my comfortable, peaceful environment if the door hadn’t started to close? Should I take my foot out of the door?

My 19 year old son, Josh, has been trying to figure out what he is to do with his future. I have told him many times that God has a will for His life and wants to use him. God would not keep this hidden from Josh but would gradually make it obvious to him along the way if he was really seeking it. Now I have to heed that advice in my own life. God will make His will known to me if I seek hard after Him and obey Him. I’m at the beginning of this particular journey. It sounds exciting to think God could be using me in a new way; but this is only the beginning of the journey and God doesn’t generally doesn’t give us short cuts. God didn’t even give His chosen people a short cut: “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, ‘If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.’ So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.” Okay, God didn’t give them a short cut, but keep in mind, however, that He did part the Red Sea for them!

My future could be very exciting, but I have to realize that there will be some bumps and stresses along the way (the peaceful library sounds so tantalizing). I must still seek hard after God even if He doesn’t give me a short cut or hand me a ministry on a silver platter. It’s a long obedience in the right direction.

My oldest daughter, Shannon, posted on Facebook, for everyone to see, that I hadn’t written on my blog for nine months. I have been pretty busy lately and it has been hard to find time to write, but mainly, I just didn’t want to write. This is really weird for me because I usually love to write. All three of my kids have blogs and write more often than I do. Even Josh writes more and he hated writing in school. I’ve enjoyed writing since I was in the 7th grade and for the first time in my life, I haven’t wanted to write. Was it the stubbornness of my own heart, not doing what God has called me to do? Or was Satan suppressing me for some reason? Whatever the reason, I prayed to break if off today. Since I write more when I am under stress, I should be writing more now that I have more stress!

As I start this journey to find God’s will for this stage in my life, I will start writing my blog again. Don’t worry, since the blogs will be coming more often; they will be shorter than this one. I’m putting my life out there before you without even knowing how God will work or what circumstances He’ll bring into my path. I hope you will accompany me on this journey by keeping up with the developments along the way and by praying for me. Let me know what your journey is too and we can lift each other up. I know it won’t be an easy faith walk, but I am expecting to be amazed at what God will do. I hope you’re ready for a wild ride—so buckle up and hold on!

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“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’ “ Isaiah 30:21

“See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.” Isaiah 42: 9

“I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” Isaiah 48:17

“But He knows the way I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” Job 23:10

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this…” Psalm 37:5

“If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” Psalm 37:23-24